Friday, March 22, 2019

Spectrum, ADHD, and Early Education

My, as of Nov. 2018, 8-year-old step-son was diagnosed with Spectrum and ADHD.  He had issues in the past with aggressive behavior.  He is very shy in new situations.  The more comfortable he gets, the more he lets loose.  Before starting Kindergarten we met with the school Psychologist.  Because it was his first year, we wanted to start him with the other children.  It would give him a chance to have a normal school experience instead of starting as 'THAT" kid.  He did well and only had one incident involving scissors and personal space.  

The next year we had a meeting with the Special Education board to talk about what to watch out for, need of extra help, and to pass along the medical documents for his condition.  The head of the department suggested no change.  He would receive the same help that other children who weren't keeping up in class would get.  In this meeting, his father and I pushed that it was now if but when we would see his personality and educational ability change.  The year went on and his work started to decline.  After a harsh conference call with the Principal, Head of Special Education, and his father, he started receiving more specialized one-on-one time.  By the end of the year he was doing well and his grades improved.  During this year, I kept in close contact with his teacher to track his progress not only educationally but socially.  She know that the transition from a child's first grade year and their second grade would be a bit more difficult.  So, when she asked if I would be alright with her continuing to be his teacher in the next year, I was very grateful.

The now second grader was off to a new year with a little extra help.  We again tried to meet with the Psychologist, Teacher, and Principal.  Though we had the same teacher, we were still worried about starting at square one in the years to come.  Each state has a testing system in place for children who seem to have problems in the school environment.  It covers 10 different areas.  

Please investigate if you feel your child is in need of extra help.  Know what your rights are.  Here is a link that will help if you don't know where to start. Learning Disability Association of America

In our case, he has not shown any signs that he needs to be given these test at this time.  We still needed a way to continue his learning without having to re-educate teacher after teacher.  This is where the 504 plan came in to play.  This is a document that follows a child through college.  It is examined and refined each year of school.  Unless there are large changes, it saves us from having meeting each year with a board of educators that would rather be doing something else than listening to nagging parents.  May I add - NAG AWAY! This is your right & your child!  With the help of his teacher and some aids, the school now monitors his day to day activity.  He is given a list of goals through each part of his day.  They pertain to his Responsibility (getting work done, not having to be told what to do), his Attitude (his attitude towards learning and work, how well works alone and with others), and Respect (the way he treats himself, others, and those in an authoritative position.)  Entering the last quarter of his Second Grade year, he graduated from this program meeting all of the expectations on a regular basis.  This doesn't mean he is done being monitored, it just means that he has a sense of accomplishment.  

Next year, without having to talk to his teacher, he/she will be aware of his strengths, difficulties, and be prepared.  The 504 Plan may change several times throughout his schooling.  There may come a day that we will have to do testing.  No matter what the future holds, we are setting a structure and preparing for what comes next.

For those of you who feel like you are being trampled by the educational board, remember, they are there to help your child in every way they can.  Do not let them tell you what they are going to do.  We lost a year that could have saved us time and support for our child.  We were lucky enough to have the same teacher two years that knew what was going on.  Can you imagine if a brand new teacher came in and treated him as a problem child who didn't want to do work?  Educate yourself on your rights and give your child each and every opportunity they deserve!

Sunday, March 17, 2019

I Need to Make Some Money

I schooled myself and, on the brink of deciding my career, found myself choosing the position of MOM first.

My schooling:
- Associate in Radio & Broadcasting
- Associate in Communication
- Bachelor of Marketing with emphasis on Communications
- Junior year of Bachelor in Graphic Design
- (in 2 months) Certificate of Mass Communications

When I met my partner, I was 3/4 of the way through the process of TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) in South Korea.  Shortly after becoming serious (he supported my leaving for the job), he found out he needed spinal surgery.  I canceled my plans and took care of him and his children.  I regret not being able to spend the time in another country, learning about their culture, expanding my horizons.  I do not regret staying to take care of my partner or his children.  

Only seven months into dating, our family began to grow.  Upon realizing this, I knew I had to find ways to provide while at home.  I started with a UserTesting, Ibotta, and Swagbucks.  They made a little money here and there.  I found more work (on my own time) with Appen and Lionbridge.  I still work with Appen, when tasks are available & I'm approved, since they acquired Lionbridge.  My 'sister-in-law' used to do customer support for Amex.  The jobs are out there!  You need to find what caters to you in your situation.  

Maybe it's blogging?

Here is one of the best lists I've found to aid the home-working-mother, by DollarSprout.

We Move On

Our family is hitting a momentous day.  On the 22nd, we close on our first home.  The process has taken quite a bit.  I'm not looking forward to packing up one house & relocating.  I am ecstatic about finally settling in the new house.  I have moved about 15 times.  It is not always easy and sometimes overwhelming.  Here is a guide to ease the process...

^^^^^^^^^
Click Here

Monday, March 11, 2019

I don't want to pay to have a voice!


Here it is. Everyone blogs, tweets, Instagrams, or etc. It seems that one must pay to have something substantial.  Help me!  I don't want to pay to have a voice. I have valid things to say.  I want to have conversations and get advice from other people.  I know I am not the only person who is frustrated by the "new" system. Someone else may have said it, but they didn't say it like me.  It may have more tact or better vocabulary, but not everyone wants that.  I want to build a network of women, mothers, fathers, people, who have more than they feel they can deal with on their proverbial plate.  Give me your poor, your weak (OK that's the Iron Lady's speech). I want people that want to help people.  Show me that I'm not the only one that sees what I see.  So after this rant, I would like to hear what ANYONE that reads this wants to hear about, talk about, see, or (if you feel the inkling) wants to write yourself.  Mommy_May_I? YES, YOU MAY!!!

Welcome to My Inspiration!!!


Wednesday, March 6, 2019

How Much Can a Kid Eat?

My kids are constantly snacking.  Most of the time they have me running for plate after plate and never seem to get full.  Of course, they must eat something good before something not-so-much.  Then on top of the full on munchies, one always hogs all the chips or eats all the cookies before the other gets a chance.  So, I decided to take a page out of my mother's playbook.  

Now enter THE FOOD BINS...

I bought a few medium sized plastic bins.  At the store, I got all of their favorite snacks; chips, cookies, popcorn, etc.  I separated them between the two bins (trading a few pieces out when I knew one child liked a treat more than the other.)  I also had a few cold treats like apples and cheese, peaches, cheese stix, etc.  These I placed in gallon bags and labeled each one with a name.

The plastic bins are easy to label.  If you slowly peel back the sticker, you can write a name on the sticky side and re-attach it to the inside of the bin.  

The kids are allowed to eat whatever they want, as long as they start with something good for them.  They can get it from their own bin (saving me from running at every "I'm hungry!!!!")  It also gives them a chance to learn responsibility.  When the food is gone, there will be no more until the next shopping trip.  As children, we learned after the first purge that eating as much as we want leads to stomach aches and, days later, hungry bellies.  This is the hope I have for my no-so-little ones.

Please share your own helpful fix-its in the comments.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

She's MY SarahAnn, BUT I've learned to share.

My name is SarahAnn, and I'm a full time Mommy. 

 Before that, though, I was always a huge fan of crafting. We used to joke that if my thumb fell off, I'd hot glue it back on! 

 It came as no surprise to my family when I started making shirts and gifts for sale. It quickly became a favorite thing of mine (it still is!) to create something custom for each new client. 

I am truly honored when I know that something I create - often at naptime - is being given with pride to a loved one. I'm filled with joy to see my shirts in use, a bag slung over a shoulder or a shadow box adorning a wall. I put my heart and humor into each item, and I'd love to make something for you.

This is my GREAT friend SarahAnn.  She has always crafted.  We met because of karaoke.  I mean, who wouldn't want to croon for a bar full of people that couldn't care less if you were Lady Gaga or Prince?  This was the most fantastic meet of friends-to-be.  There's a lot of story between then and now.  Loves, beer, pin-ups, Golf-a-Ganzas, real-talk, and real life.  She was my go-to when I needed bump pics & newborn announcements.  I have been lucky enough to be her guinea-pig in out-of-the-box photo shoots. She has made T's for my littles, a shadowbox & photo album for my mom, and constantly surprises me with fun ideas and helpful anecdotes when I, first time mom with 3 in my lap (first post explanation for newbies), needed it.  

So, here's a little preview of what she offers and a link to GET YO PIECE!!! 


^^^^
Click the link!

A Netflix Bender

I have a rule when I start watching a show - it has to have at least three seasons.  I want to binge.  I want a chance to get lost in what I'm watching.  If it has multiple seasons, it proves that it has staying power.  My taste in entertainment is all over the board.  This list will span 'For Mommy's Eyes Only', share with the kids, and add a little diversity.



Mainstream shows for time with the bigger kids.

The Flash - The fastest man alive, superhero Barry, has good morals, great friends, and a fun storyline.  Some of the themes are dark.  It still has that UPN, WB, CW, whatever they are going to call the teenager channel next, wholesome spin.

Supergirl - I started watching The Flash after completing the episodes of this series, available on Netflix.  The two storylines often intertwine, along with Arrow and Legends of Tomorrow.  Little me was a big fan of Supergirl.  I watched the movie, had the comic books, and got severly excited when I heard they were making a series.  Of course, I had to wait three years because of my odd rule.  Like The Flash, this series has a great cast that shows your teens a better way to deal with hard situations and what values to hold.  Plus, if you're like me, you get to enjoy a child-like hero obsession without guilt.
photo by Disney | ABC Television Group / License

Pretty Little Liars - Alright, so sometimes I'm a 15-year-old trapped inside a 38-year-old's body.  This squad has been a highschool girl's obsession since it's 2010 release.  It has its stagnant moments, but following it to the end was pure satisfaction.  The questionable actions of characters and most aspects of the storyline are not a good representation for young watchers.  It does fulfill the chocolate bon-bons and soap opera stereotype of housewives by keeping you glued to the couch.

Riverdale - I have been anxiously awaiting the third season of the modern day Archie.  After watching The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (yes I know it only has one season - I'll get to that later), I learned that Riverdale and Sweetwater were sister towns.  This is not our Archie, comic or character.  All the heads are the same, but the story is strongly overcast, as in, there are only dark clouds over Riverdale.  Still, apart from the murderous plot, the sub-stories mirror the issues our children deal with but often do not tell.  Let's reminisce our 90210 days (and enter Luke Perry as Archie's dad).  I believe the show hints at this by adding Disney twin, Cole Sprouse, as misunderstood Jughead.  Extra, Extra - potential Josie & the Pussycats Spin-off.

(A little bit of music trivia, Blake Neely is behind The Flash, Supergirl, and Riverdale.)

Bring on the Littles

TrollHunters - I started watching this series because of Anton Yelchin.  He played roles in movies that were well-written, thought-provoking, and, in one instance, a movie by one of my favorite directors.  The animation is supreme.  The story line keeps you entertained and coming back.  Watching it with the little ones, you can be happy with the storyline of friendship, the work ethic, and the fantasy of it all.  Guillermo del Toro is not synonymous with children's tales, actually quite the opposite with Pan's Labyrinth.  This story shows his range and hope for more in the future.  (Guillermo & Dreamworks plan for an Arcadia Trilogy - Hunters, 3Below, and Wizards.)
Artwork by Bedobaho / License

Series of Unfortunate Events - Parents knew the books before the series.  Netflix hit gold with NPH playing Count Olaf. (If you have a chance, scroll Neil Patrick Harris' Instagram account - or Mommy_May_I's new pic share - you will see how much more than a great actor he is!)  It is dark and unfortunate.  It also shows sibling support, panache, and artistic fantasy.  This series should be a staple for any binging momma.

One Series Only

Ashes of Love - (64 Episodes)  I have a K-Drama fetish.  My first binge was Flowers Before Boys, which is probably the most well-known international K-Drama.  This time I went outside of my normal fan-girl zone and tried a Chinese Drama.  Ashes of Love made my late-night insomnia soooo worth it!  The show is an interesting take on 'The Powers That Be' and the human world.  It is full of twists, deep emotion, and the struggles of love.  This is best for the late nights when the children are asleep.  It is in Mandarin, so subtitles are a must.  You won't really need the volume.  Maybe it's also good for a zone-out during wild-child time...

Somewhere Between - (10 Episodes) This is a limited time series on Netflix.  So, it may not be available by the time some read this recommendation list.  One of my younger hollywood crushes, Devon Sawa, plays a main role in this second-chance series.  Momma loses daughter, loses it, and refuses to do it again.  This is another twists and turns roller coaster.  Murder, revenge, mystery, and more.  This momma escape is for adult eyes.


For Mommy's Eyes Only


Photo by West Midlands PoliceLicense
Peaky Blinders - This is the crude, rude, raw bits of Netflix.  My first binge was the sci-fi show Fringe (maybe that rhymes for a reason.)  I couldn't stop watching.  This sci-fi dork didn't have to deal with commercials, a week, a month, or anytime of waiting?!  Though I have that show to thank for my binging, socially acceptable, obsession, the first show that was unforgettable and without pause was Peaky Blinders.  I will admit, I broke my rule and watched when only the first season was available. (I will explain before we are all done.)  But I wasn't the only one.  BBC bought the series after 2 seasons on the 'Flix. It is gritty, it is very raw, it is also addictive and not to be watched with sensitive viewers.

Gotham - It's another superhero story, where they start, where they grow, but not where they live or die.  Gotham is where Batman lives, but Gotham is where not only he, but the rest of the residents started.  James Gordon wasn't always the man on the sidelines. At one point, he was the focus.  This series visits what growing up can make us, if we choose.

But It's Only in the First Season

I have the three season rule, but sometimes, you run out of things to watch - and I'm not binging Nailed It or Botched Up Bodies unless I need a sedative for sleep.  None of these are for younger viewers. So, here are my 'I broke my rule and I'm not sorry' first season binges.


Umbrella Academy – My #1, numero uno, YES!!! The story line is good, but two things sold me.
Robert Sheehan - this is why I wanted to watch this series.  He is in one of my favorite TV series of all times, British series, Misfits (I will address this in The Hulu Binge part 2 of this mommy's picks.)
The Music - I didn't even know until I watched the first episode.  The opening Phantom of the Opera violin solo and, at 54:11, the fight scene, lead by They Might Be Giants' Istanbul, made me fall in love!
Chilling Adventures of Sabrina - of course I watched Sabrina the Teenage Witch growing up. She was Clarissa Explains It All.  This is a super dark and morally questioning, version of the story we know (check out the legal battle - Goat Head Statue Lawsuit
The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell - It's a DIY for our misfit, mentally maybe-stable, ugly-animal loving, inner self.  The show reminds me of Jim Henson by Tim Burton with guest host, 50's Halloween Martha Stewart.

Altered Carbon - This show is a shiny polish on a gritty story.  Think Blade Runner - but you're not going to fall asleep.  You'll keep guessing as to what will develop next.  Some of it is predictable but, the imagery is gleaming and gloomy.


There are so many more bingeable series.  These are the ones that peak on my radar.  Feel free to leave your own suggestions.  I always love to watch something new while folding laundry, working out band schedules, doing dishes, completing schoolwork, changing diapers, creating promotions, making mid-day snacks, and everything else it takes to be this Mommy_May_I.

Sunday, February 24, 2019

Why am I Such a Jerk to Myself?


In every relationship, I get mad when I feel I’m not appreciated for being an amazing individual.  I am compassionate, supportive, good-looking, talented, hard working, and I make the other person feel valued.  I am on my side all the way.  So, why do I treat myself like I am less than that?

I believe that part of the reason is… I hate self-centered people.  You know the ones who act like they are God’s gift.  So when I know I do something well, I don’t want to be the one toot my own horn.  I feel if I talk about how awesome I secretly think I am, that I’ll be just like someone I hate.  So, I don’t.  I downplay myself to the point that I don’t feel adequate.  I don’t feel like I’m the person I know I am.

It has taken years to get to a fully supportive, positive view of myself.  I was teased as a child (but honestly, who wasn’t).  I attended eight different schools k-12.  It wasn’t very easy holding on to childhood friends unless I (and they) wanted to keep contact via ‘snail mail’. (Do kids even know what that means anymore?)  This may have attributed to the lack of confidence that I had, but couldn’t hold onto.  I was genuine and strong willed.  Every school that I went to, I had a few good friends (often only 1 or 2) and always a few that treated me horribly. 

I really am a talented individual.  I play guitar, sing, handle a household of blended kids with emotional trauma issues, and treat others (generally) the way I would like to be treated.  Still, it took until I was 25 years old to start feeling like I wasn’t the only one who saw this. 

It was a false glorification.  I was a “hot” bartender who treated people well.  Younger clientele started hanging out and giving me attention.  But, this was what I needed to realize that I was not accepting the appreciation others gave me.  It was like I needed someone to say ‘Hey, you are really amazing’ time after time after time after time, until I actually heard it.

Looking back I can see the all of the moments when others saw what I couldn’t accept.

            Kindergarten – the little boy who always wanted to share my sleeping mat.
2nd grade - a friend that stood in between me the ‘mean girl’ when she laid in
4th grade – the teacher who let it slide when I made a bad decision, because she knew it was completely against my nature
8th grade – when my friend saw the ‘mean girl’ push me underwater and told her to leave the party no matter what she said I did (but did not do)
Now – having people I haven’t seen since high school remember almost every class and conversation we had (while I have vague recollections)
 Now – being blessed with friends that are people even my family considers family

The process is not easy.  Often a person has an eye-opening realization of how wrong they have been to themselves.  I recently had a friend say – ‘I would NEVER say the things I say or think about myself to any other human.’  Each person's situation may be different, but at the root they are all the same.  Recovery from this self-destruction is like daily exercise.  It is very hard to start a routine.  You have to find exactly what you need to work on – what are the trouble areas?  Then, it is even harder to stay to the commitment.  You’ll find that it is easy to slip back into old habits.  The most helpful tool is the positive people in your life.  BELIEVE what they say.  Don’t blow it off.  See the compliments and support they give you as if you were looking through their eyes.  Also, don’t downplay yourself when people give you props.  Say THANK YOU instead of – oh no, that’s not me.  An example of something I've worked on in my situation - when someone compliments a song I’ve sung, I’ll ask what other songs they think I would do well to learn.


I am 38 years old.  It took many years to accept that I am worth praise. I am still in the process of accepting the good things others see in me.  I need to stop holding on to the childhood bullies, which I became to myself.  Just as I was shocked at hearing how my friend didn’t know she was one of the most amazing, caring, and motivating people I have ever met, I am shocked at how I have not believed the same for myself.  I have and will continue to stop letting myself be my worst bully.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Failure is NOT an option.


Gen Z, iGen, Centennials, whatever they are called, are living quite different lives than we did as children. The basics are the same, play, eat, sleep, crave attention, and so on. But they don't know what it's like to share one phone in a household. If they want to play with friends, all they need to do is text or snap. I had to walk or ride my bike to their front door and shyly ask, "Can Tommy come out to play?"  Information is so readily available that everything else in life needs to be the same.  I want food now.  I saw this game. I want it now.  While at the same time, there is no sense of urgency for them to complete anything.  They have this lackadaisical attitude to doing what they are asked.

by Batmanpage 2012
My daughter is having a hard time in math.  She is extremely smart and creative.  Math is hard because there is only one way to do it.  A person can't reroute and come to the correct answer.  Her math teacher also intimidates her.  She doesn't want to be embarrassed in front of her peers by asking questions.  Despite all of these issues, she is failing because she isn't turning her assignments in on time.  Seven out of twenty-two times she turned in homework past the due date.  I asked her why.  There was a stream of excuses and no real reason.  I can check her assignments.  There were two she swore she turned in and said her grade would change as soon as the teacher posted them.  One assignment popped up - late.  The other is still missing.  A big fight brought out the answer.  She didn't even know if she turned it in or not.  The only way she learns she missed an assignment is if her teacher tells her.  She also had the opportunity to correct her quizzes and tests for extra points.  She corrected 2 out of 4 and told me there weren't anymore available.  

She wants her grade to change but won't organize herself to meet the requirements.  She has me check to webpage three times a day annoyed that the teacher hasn't graded the assignments while she isn't exactly sure if she did the work.  Once home she'll spend hours watching YouTube, Snaps, and playing life games on her phone.  I have often asked if she has all her homework done.  The answer is generally yes.  I then later find out she did half the assignment and saved it for the next day in homeroom.  This is about the time she misplaces it and needs to get another assignment.  The teacher has to do extra work because the student has little consideration.  

So, do we try to change this need for instant gratification or help meld it into something better? The one thing that stays strong in this fight is; she wants to take care of it herself.  Granted she is not doing that, but she wants to be responsible for herself instead of mom fighting her battles.  She wants to find the solution to the problem instead of not understanding what someone else is explaining.  

This generation needs a new way of thinking.  They are not the same as we were.  It was go to school, come home for a snack, do homework, and then go play.  If an assignment was due, we turned it the next day or we didn't get credit.  They have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time or longer than a few minutes.  So, as parents we must change along with them.  This does not mean that getting an 'F' is all right.  It does mean that phones will be taken away until that grade has changed.  It means that the ever-important social life must take a pause.  It also means we need to find new strategies.  


Alternative teaching methods and useful tools:

Integrate Music and Visual Arts with Social Studies, Math & Science
Ted Talks Teens
Alternatives to Lecturing